Chonk vs Cucumber: Measuring the Shape of a Seal
While thinking about the rotundness of the chonky Baikal Seal, I wondered if there were any other "chonkier" Seals that looked rounder. I wondered if I could actually calculate a ranking of seal "chonkness." Because Seals come in different lengths, I had to compare the width of a Seal in comparison to their length. For example, if a Seal has a 7 foot width but a 25 foot length, they will not be as "chonky" as a Seal with a 4 foot width and a 4 foot length, who would be a perfect sphere of rotund beauty and an absolute chonk. Since Seals with a longer length remind me of a cucumber, I called those who were more oblong than spherical ones with "High Cucumber." Of course, those Seals who were more of little squished ovals becoming close to spheres of happiness are those with "High Chonk." Please see my drawings below.
In order to figure out who is the "chonkiest" Seal, I needed to find data of the width and length of Seals. Unfortunately, I found that there is not much data for all Seal species, just a very few. If anybody is looking for a person to measure the length and width of all Seals, I will enthusiastically accept the honor. In the meantime, I had to come up with another plan to measure the "chonkiness" of Seals. So, I got out my book "Guide to Marine Mammals of the World" and measured the width and length of each Seal with a ruler. Because each picture was not to scale (Seals with a short length had roughly the same size in the book as Seals with a long length, so that all photos would fit fully on a page no matter the actual size of the Seal), I placed the measurements on a spreadsheet and had the computer divide the width by the length in order to get an idea of chonkiness. A copy of my spreadsheet is below.
We found that Yuki (the Queen of All Internet Seals) is by far the chonkiest of all Seals, as you can see from the picture below.
After Yuki, we found (much like I suspected) that the Baikal Seal is the chonkiest species of Seal. This makes sense, as you can see from the picture below.
From the data, most Seals are more cucumber than chonk, which surprised me. The Hawaiian Monk Seal was the Seal with the most cucumber of them all.
Although my ranking looks about right based upon my extensive review of Seals, it is not perfect. In order to be perfect I need to be able to a lot more measurements from all Seal species, to include a trip to Hawaii for the Hawaiian Monk Seals. Again, I am always free when it comes to measuring Seals, or any Pinniped that ever lived. Please do get in touch with me if you want to fund my research.
I have watched probably weeks and weeks of chonky Seal videos on YouTube and other platforms, and can state that watching chonky Seals very relaxing. Try it yourself...
High Chonk: Seal Approaching a Spherical Shape
My drawing
High Cucumber: Seal Approaching an Oblong Shape
My drawing
In order to figure out who is the "chonkiest" Seal, I needed to find data of the width and length of Seals. Unfortunately, I found that there is not much data for all Seal species, just a very few. If anybody is looking for a person to measure the length and width of all Seals, I will enthusiastically accept the honor. In the meantime, I had to come up with another plan to measure the "chonkiness" of Seals. So, I got out my book "Guide to Marine Mammals of the World" and measured the width and length of each Seal with a ruler. Because each picture was not to scale (Seals with a short length had roughly the same size in the book as Seals with a long length, so that all photos would fit fully on a page no matter the actual size of the Seal), I placed the measurements on a spreadsheet and had the computer divide the width by the length in order to get an idea of chonkiness. A copy of my spreadsheet is below.
Spreadsheet Calculations
We found that Yuki (the Queen of All Internet Seals) is by far the chonkiest of all Seals, as you can see from the picture below.
Highest Chonk: Yuki, Queen of All Internet Seals
Photo from Subreddit r/YukiChan post "beautiful jelly bean" on July 7th 2019 by islandofwaffles
After Yuki, we found (much like I suspected) that the Baikal Seal is the chonkiest species of Seal. This makes sense, as you can see from the picture below.
Highest Chonk of a Species: Baikal Seal
Photo from zooinstitutes.com website "Picture of Baikal Seal at Yaroslavl Zoo"
Photo from zooinstitutes.com website "Picture of Baikal Seal at Yaroslavl Zoo"
From the data, most Seals are more cucumber than chonk, which surprised me. The Hawaiian Monk Seal was the Seal with the most cucumber of them all.
Highest Cucumber (and Lowest Chonk): Hawaiian Monk Seal
Photo from "Atlantis Adventures" travel website article "The Hawaiian Monk Seal: Hawaii's Beloved Friend"
Photo from "Atlantis Adventures" travel website article "The Hawaiian Monk Seal: Hawaii's Beloved Friend"
Although my ranking looks about right based upon my extensive review of Seals, it is not perfect. In order to be perfect I need to be able to a lot more measurements from all Seal species, to include a trip to Hawaii for the Hawaiian Monk Seals. Again, I am always free when it comes to measuring Seals, or any Pinniped that ever lived. Please do get in touch with me if you want to fund my research.
I have watched probably weeks and weeks of chonky Seal videos on YouTube and other platforms, and can state that watching chonky Seals very relaxing. Try it yourself...
Baikal Seals (called "Nerpa" by Russians) at Lake Baikal Museum in Listvyanka, Russia
No discussion about chonk is ever complete without a reference to Kroshik, a Ladoga Lake Seal who does not want to return to the wild. Ladoga Lake Seals are freshwater Seals related to Ringed Seals, like Baikal Seals
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